Dear Mr. Martin,
Now that another exhilarating season of Game of Thrones is wrapping up, we are all turning our attention to the calendar. Not for next season yet, but September 20th, your 66th birthday. If you had the life expectancy of your characters, you’d be long gone by now. That worries us.
We all love your lengthy and well-written spoilers for the hit HBO show. However, we fear that either HBO or the Many-Faced God will catch up to you before you can finish killing off the remaining characters. Please don’t leave us behind, George. Valar morghulis (translation: "All men must die"), so please get a plan in place. We can't rely on Beric Dondarrion to resurrect you because you already killed him off.
Let us help you out. We are offering you a lifetime subscription to the premium version of our Everplans product for free. We have secure file upload that's fully encrypted, so you can upload your Wordstar manuscripts. You can then deputize as many people as you like who will be authorized to view your documents should you die before finishing the next books. Might we suggest David Benioff? Don’t worry, you can control what they can and cannot see in your plan. We’ll help you every step of the way with dedicated live chat support, email support, and support by raven (availability limited to Westeros and the Seven Kingdoms).
You see, George, we really need to know what becomes of Tyrion. We crave resolution for Arya... or Jeyne. And we must know, does R+L equal J? Do Daenerys and her dragon Drogon defeat the Dothraki? Please, plan ahead and make sure that we are not left running around like a Stark with its head cut off.
You may contact us at AllMenMustPlan@everplans.com to claim your free lifetime of Everplans.
The Everplans Team
This missive was sent by raven and is intended only for the recipient noted above. If you happen to find it tied to a dead raven, please tie it to a live raven and send it along on its journey. All other unauthorized viewing of this missive is punishable by beheading, exile, or an evening with Ramsay Bolton. If the official seal of House Everplans on this message is broken then the offer still stands, we'll just be a bit bummed out.