The 2013 Top 10 College Football Rankings...With Caskets!

Friday, August 30, 2013 • by Gene Newman

What do the most die-hard college football fanatics do when they, um, die? Keep the school spirit going for eternity by being buried in a college themed casket.

To kick off the season right, we’re honoring the top 10 ranked schools with their casket equivalent, which are real things you can actually buy.

1. Alabama Crimson Tide (University of Alabama)

(Photo Source: Collegiate Memorials)

This allows you to roll tide…literally. (Sorry about that. We’ll try to make the rest of the captions a little better. But we ain’t making any promises.)

2. Ohio State Buckeyes (Ohio State University)

(Photo Source: Flickr)

Don’t forget to emphasize the “THE” whenever saying Ohio State. We have no idea why but football players say it this way and it sounds cool.

3. Oregon Ducks (The University of Oregon)

(Photo Source:

The greenest casket on the list, by far. We’re not sure about the environmental impact, but these guys are green and quite sharp with embossed wings and neon rails.

4. Stanford Cardinal (Stanford University)

(Photo Source:

Stanford is in California, and should not be confused with Stamford, Connecticut, which has no team. Connecticut does have UCONN, but they’d only make this list if we were including the top 8,000 ranked teams because they’re not very good.

5. Georgia Bulldogs (University of Georgia)

(Photo Source: Eye On Sports Media)

The cuddly Bulldog mascot alone might even make non-fans consider one of these caskets.

6. South Carolina Gamecocks (University of South Carolina)

(Photo Source: Collegiate Memorials)

Let the history lesson begin: The Gamecocks get their name from American Revolution war hero Thomas Sumter, who employed fierce fighting tactics against the British after they burned down his house.

7. Texas A&M Aggies (Texas A&M University)

(Photo Source: Trevino Smith Funeral Home)

What’s an Aggie, you may ask. It’s a student at Texas A&M. It’s that simple. Moving on…

8. Clemson Tigers (Clemson University)

(Photo Source: Collegiate Memorials)

Another university from South Carolina cracks the top 10. The vibrant orange and purple is sure to make any occasion festive

9. Louisville Cardinals (University of Louisville)

(Photo Source:

And we have another cardinal in the top 10 as well. But unlike Stanford, this is a sassy angry looking cardinal, which are clearly the coolest cardinals of the avian world.

10. Florida Gators (University of Florida)

(Photo Source: Collegiate Memorials)

The U of F make the top ten by the skin of their alligator teeth.

Bonus Team! Duke Blue Devils (Duke University)

(Photo Source: Collegiate Memorials)

Duke fans should order these early since your football seasons are always over before they start. The good news: March Madness is right around the corner!

What do you think about college-themed caskets? Are they cool? Thoughtful? Insensitive? Tacky? Let us know.