If You Misplaced A Coffin Full Of Weapons, A Florida Sheriff Would Like To Speak With You

Thursday, May 15, 2014 • by Gene Newman

Source: Volusia County Sheriff's Office

Someone in Florida right now is probably wondering, "Where did I put that coffin filled with weapons?" If you happen to be that person, the police would like to let you know that it's safe and in their custody. Feel free to pick it up if you don't mind answering a whole lot of questions.

A Florida Fish and Wildlife officer found the closed wooden casket in De Leon Springs and contacted the Volusia County Sheriff's department. Once the coffin was opened they found 46 items that ranged from weapons to household appliances...that could easily be used as weapons. The full list is here but we've selected some of the bizarre highlights:

  • Ball with metal spikes
  • Small red square punching bag
  • Black leather pouch
  • Double-sided axe with handle
  • Baseball bat with numerous screws attached
  • Broken yellow dart
  • Wooden handle with attached rusted knife blade
  • Black stick with attached chain
  • Silver metal sword blade with missing hand grip
  • Large pair of black metal tongs

The police haven't identified who it belongs to but our imagination has been running wild with speculation. So we present...

7 (Unlikely) Explanations Behind The Florida Weapon Coffin

  1. A person who did a lot of planning for the zombie apocalypse but is now woefully unprepared and must start rebuilding his stash all over again.
  2. Ted Nugent is furiously looking around his house wondering where he put his coffin-shaped toy chest.
  3. A set designer for The Walking Dead is in big trouble for losing an important prop.
  4. A person preparing to become a well-armed zombie in the event of a zombie apocalypse...not realizing that zombies cannot use weapons.
  5. "So that's where I put my baseball bat with numerous screws attached," said a Teenage Mutant Ninja Alligator.
  6. Dracula is well equipped to handle Van Helsing this time around.
  7. How people prepared for the future before Everplans existed.

Via Orlando News 13


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